Topic: my poem's...

[uniqueandalanis4]

thanks alot vikki  ''i just been writting alot lately but i dont post all my stuff!!!how have you been girl??wb..
Posted on: May 03, 2009, 10:57:42 AMleft behind..

tonight im alone ''i hear nothing around not a peap not a sound..
talking to myself cause theres no one around not even you?
where were you when i needed your hand ''you wasnt there
you didnt care to share my emotions''....ill go u stay..
i'll just walk out today..close the door behind you ''you left
left it open once before''didnt u learn how to treat a girl?
respect and love and never neglect??u left me alone ..
i thought love was shared by two''?why werent you
there when i needed you?!tears that i cry''i never thought
never thought u would forget about me for a second..
now im second guessing on what to do ''cause it feels''
it feelsssssss i already lost you...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

april....ann...*
                           

[ericb]

April,that's brilliant.But please,don't be sad ok? Things will get better for you.

[Mrok(Gloom)Robert M]

April, April, April...
Your poems are for more than endless talk... You exceed time and space... Wrong... You create fantastic world of your experience and emotions... I think it would be easier to have you around as friend in life and just to listen to you... Loool... reading so much hurts my eyes if I am forgetting to wink from time to time... Lol... such style is really written straight from heart... Style seems like to fly on a melodious lines... Very poetic moments gives it message kick... Fact that you seem broken worries me... I hope that those are just recorded tears and no more need for them... except just memory... I wish you good luck with your books... From what I see you assure their success.. even when standards are too much strict lol... Well... wishing you healed heart and precious moments... Tc

[uniqueandalanis4]

hey hey hey...

robert..robert..rob ert...mmhmmm well thank you first of all for loving my writting!!!second of all ..u say lol u would love to talk to me?lol and why is that??haha i know why''!?i think..maybe cause i talk too much and i just write what i feel ''so if i talk to you lol then you'll know what kind of person i am?and ur poor eyes with my blah blah words hehe .. idk maybe im wrong!hey robert?do u have msn or yahoo im?we can communicate through there if u want to talk and be friends?!''cause lol i dont think we''ll ever meet up  to actually talk..
i love ur writting as well ur very deep''!!maybe you can share one or two of ur's or maybe even write one together.. im gonna write with jill..so thats cool.. i just wrote something deep and i wanted to post it for someone ''but im not sure''i want this person to know how i feel ''!!!hmmm maybe u know who is is :smiley15:shhhh tell me i wont tell
wb..always april ann*

[Mrok(Gloom)Robert M]

Dear April
I rather cant promiss anything because I still have terribly slow internet and not much time to spend there... Even when I am here around like everyday... I am rather on AIM messenger and I concentrate there because more messengers is too much for my internet... Still I can try being also on Yahoo Msn at late hours.. Like after 10 pm... Anyway... I am happy to hear that you are going to work with Jill... Work in team has great chance to achieve highest aim... It would be cool to write together... Still it can meet many obstacles... I am rather busy... Life full of work lol... Thanks for liking my poetry... Funny.. I haven't write anything for very long... Always just pieces on my tired mind... like lately... Idea to call Sun as red head with freckles on her smiling face... Ummmm... I am not updated as for direction of your feelings... Dealings on messenger didnt let me read much of your writting... My plans change too often as for my so called free time... I guess I should go sleep now... Yeah... Midnight is a good moment... Ttyl gurl

[uniqueandalanis4]

oh ok i got cha!!well i also got aol too!if u wanna chat and write together on ur spare time just pm me and ill give you my aol addy..ttul  god bless you always..

april ann*
Posted on: May 23, 2009, 03:50:43 AM SPLIT IN HALF..

touchered mind looking in the mirror from behind..
cracked glass''split face's''cracked glass ''split in half..
i keep looking to find me whole''but what am i without you?
half is split in half ''without you by myside ill never be one..!
these days without you are hard to find''when first you were all mine..!
now ur sitting alone sitting and drinking ur lonely wine..
do you want some cheeze with that cry?dont come near me
you cracked me''split in half''split faces''cracked glass''split in half..
i need a master plan to forget you''but those eyes keep appearing
those eyes keep me sane''but where is ur mind?were u even mine?
you just wanted to have fun''hands in my pocket''put down the gun..!
this is win or lose?come on tell me what u choose??
feeling loose''im feeling something that isnt there''...
look there''look there''over there ''>
were.. in that picture..''
on the floor ''split faces'' cracked glass..thats split in half..

april ann*

[Mrok(Gloom)Robert M]

I guess I already told ya whole comment but I am not sure if it was enough... so now I want to hang my mind on some details... You are always uprising feelings in your arts to high level so reader feels like shaken by pain, happiness or other message... Choice of mirror as symbol of inner break is a nice romantic example... and I like those lines the most (pure masterpiece construction):

*those eyes keep me sane''but where is ur mind?were u even mine?
you just wanted to have fun''hands in my pocket''put down the gun..!*

Hmmm... I think you should avoid making such shortcuts like *were*... At least put apostrophe in between... or split it into longer form (we were)... It takes me two times guessing what such words mean because English is not my original language and I can expect even impossible or too hard for my knowledge... I am just saying that your poem will keep being fluent if I will not stuck on such wondering pieces... Lol... I am also making such mistakes.. some I cant even cut off from my habits... but.. like I even demand criticism.. then I hope you will just consider this little brotherly poke... Lets say... I remind you to add cherry to your sweet cake lol...

[uniqueandalanis4]

  cherry to my sweet cake yum yum  no i love your comments robert''i appreciate them alot '' !!!! if i dont get told the truth about what i write ''then my writting wouldnt go no where ''and i would be stuburn not to listen!! !! thanks alot for your comment!

[ericb]

April,you are a great writer.i'm not gonna stop reminding you of that either. Stay strong,ok? thingsa will get better.

[uniqueandalanis4]

hey buddy'''im being as strong as i can''im waiting now for my mom's result's to see if its cancer  :'( god for bid ''im supper scared ''all i do is pray''she just lost too much weight and her doc is concerned too!grrrr ''eric i wanna really thank you ''thank you'' for always praying for my mother''i really do!!!i cant thank u enough''i'pray for u also!and thank u for nice comment!!u rock eric!!take care..god bless you..always..

[ericb]

I will keep you in my prayers april,I promise.Don't give up though,there is always hope.

[Vikki]

*slides into the thread*

heya, great poems , super, keep it up, very talented.

[ericb]

April,I promise,i will pray for her.And you too.

[Vikki]

Firstly and most importantly i'm so sorry to hear i mean read that ur mum has cancer April , whatever u do try to stay strong girl for both u and ur mum.

Secondly , i have caught up with ur poems in this thread, once again very talented and very well written, keep up the good work.

[uniqueandalanis4]

im so scared i never been so scared in my life!!!!oh god ''thank you vikki for commenting on my poems and being there for me also!!thanks eric!!i dont even know what to say anymore but thank you all for a helping hand and prayers in sll my bad times  :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'( :'(